I feel, which is a dangerous phrase by the way, that God has revealed something to me about my nature. It came, unsurprisingly, during my late night shower-where all of my best thinking and pondering happens (does anyone else shake off like a dog after they shower?)- it occurred to me that I have a problem.
That has occurred to me on several occasions previously, but this time it was much more distinct. I have had major issues with pornography in my past, and in my present. Jesus is awesome though, and He has been carrying my through my temptation, but I haven’t really been talking about it in the past month or two.
The whole idea that I may not be the conquerer that I had hoped I could be just isn’t enticing. I like to think that when I conquer something, it’s conquered. But how many of you know that we are not bigger than sin?
God is bigger than sin; I certainly am not! Even when I assume that I have given everything to God, it would appear that I haven’t quite gotten that far, and perhaps I never will.
Not talking about my problem in a way led me into denial that I don’t have a problem…sure I wasn’t looking up porn anymore, but the underlying issue is still there. “Any man who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart.” But that’s not me, is it?
I don’t look at porn anymore. I don’t stare at girls at work. I don’t talk lewdly about women with my friends. But deep down in the depths of my soul how do I view the women around me? How do I view each person I come across?
In every interaction I have with the opposite gender, sometimes consciously, and sometimes unconsciously, I make an appraisal of a woman’s sexual worth.
Basically, I am every guy on every television, in every bar, and every public place one could imagine who ignores the dignity of the humanity God has placed in each of His creations. It affects every relationship, and ruins every friendship. Adultery ruins lives, and I’m an adulterer.